Sunday, July 7, 2013
Online CAT: Do's and Don'ts.
Beginning this week, Business Standard will bring you a two-part series on cracking the Common Admission Test — one of the most anticipated examinations in the country.
Dear Students,
The most pressing question on the minds of students appearing for the examination is ‘How do I tackle the Online CAT?’
The most pressing question on the minds of students appearing for the examination is ‘How do I tackle the Online CAT?’
The most obvious aspect of the ‘Online CAT’ that concerns students is the emphasis on the word ‘Online’ rather than the the word CAT. Well, the answer is to keep things simple and not to worry about the ‘Online’ format, instead concentrate on the ‘content’ of the paper.
CAT is more a test of elimination than a test of selection. The successful candidates often attribute their success to their approach — a poised and calm mind, avoid errors and do not fall into the traps that the exam often surprises you with. This article will address the common errors that students make in the run-up to CAT.
Some of the common errors are as follows:
Error#1: Preparing only for select topics
One of the serious flaws in the approach over the years has been to narrow down the syllabus and prepare only for select topics based on questions that have appeared in the past few years of CAT. CAT has been an extremely unpredictable examination and is known to spring a surprise every year. There is a high probability that topics or areas that have not had much of a weightage in recent years might make a comeback. Therefore it is in the best interest of students to prepare for all topics.
One of the serious flaws in the approach over the years has been to narrow down the syllabus and prepare only for select topics based on questions that have appeared in the past few years of CAT. CAT has been an extremely unpredictable examination and is known to spring a surprise every year. There is a high probability that topics or areas that have not had much of a weightage in recent years might make a comeback. Therefore it is in the best interest of students to prepare for all topics.
Error#2: Speculating on the composition of the paper
CAT is known to ask questions from a wide assortment of test areas and therefore there is no point speculating as to what might happen this year. The IIMs have hinted that there will be ‘around’ 60 Qs across three sections: Verbal, Quantitative and Logic & Data Interpretation in CAT2013.
CAT is known to ask questions from a wide assortment of test areas and therefore there is no point speculating as to what might happen this year. The IIMs have hinted that there will be ‘around’ 60 Qs across three sections: Verbal, Quantitative and Logic & Data Interpretation in CAT2013.
Error#3: Overdose of mocks
Most students believe that the best way to prepare is to take as many mocks as possible. Repeated mock tests only highlight the same weaknesses and if students are not analysing their mistakes and rectifying them, then there will not be any major improvement in their performance. Therefore, a thorough analysis of every mock test will yield far better results than taking a large number of such tests.
Most students believe that the best way to prepare is to take as many mocks as possible. Repeated mock tests only highlight the same weaknesses and if students are not analysing their mistakes and rectifying them, then there will not be any major improvement in their performance. Therefore, a thorough analysis of every mock test will yield far better results than taking a large number of such tests.
Error#4: Missing out on items to be carried to the examination centre
This year, students should carry their Admit Card, the CAT Voucher, a Valid Photo identity (any among Driver’s License, Passport, PAN Card, Voter ID, College ID, Employee Identification Card or a notarised affidavit with photo, signature, date of birth and residential address) and a valid document as proof in case the student belongs to the SC/ST categories.
This year, students should carry their Admit Card, the CAT Voucher, a Valid Photo identity (any among Driver’s License, Passport, PAN Card, Voter ID, College ID, Employee Identification Card or a notarised affidavit with photo, signature, date of birth and residential address) and a valid document as proof in case the student belongs to the SC/ST categories.
Error#5: Blind guessing
It is has been observed in ‘experimental’ conditions that blind guessing almost always leads to a negative/low score, therefore avoid blind-guessing and marking answers indiscriminately. However, if you are able to eliminate two/three choices (out of the four or five) on proper reasoning, then, it is not advisable to leave out the question even if you do not know how to solve it.
It is has been observed in ‘experimental’ conditions that blind guessing almost always leads to a negative/low score, therefore avoid blind-guessing and marking answers indiscriminately. However, if you are able to eliminate two/three choices (out of the four or five) on proper reasoning, then, it is not advisable to leave out the question even if you do not know how to solve it.
Error#6: Unequal distribution of time across sections
The IIMs calls only those students who manage to clear the cut-offs in each section of CAT and also the overall cut-off. To meet this objective it is imperative that you spend equal amounts of time across all three sections to give yourself enough opportunity to clear the cut-off in every section.
The IIMs calls only those students who manage to clear the cut-offs in each section of CAT and also the overall cut-off. To meet this objective it is imperative that you spend equal amounts of time across all three sections to give yourself enough opportunity to clear the cut-off in every section.
Error#7: Not having a buffer time
This year the exam will be for 135 minutes and a good time allocation strategy would be 40 minutes across three sections with 15 minutes of buffer time. The buffer is required to cushion against bad performance in any one section or to tackle a section that is exceptionally difficult, or one where the student is not confident of clearing the cut-offs.
This year the exam will be for 135 minutes and a good time allocation strategy would be 40 minutes across three sections with 15 minutes of buffer time. The buffer is required to cushion against bad performance in any one section or to tackle a section that is exceptionally difficult, or one where the student is not confident of clearing the cut-offs.
Error#8: Targeting a specific number of Qs to clear cut-offs
Targeting a pre-set number of questions to clear the cut-offs is not a great strategy, as the cut-offs are a function of the difficulty level of the section and the paper. Hence, one can decide to attempt a certain number of questions during the exam but not before.
Targeting a pre-set number of questions to clear the cut-offs is not a great strategy, as the cut-offs are a function of the difficulty level of the section and the paper. Hence, one can decide to attempt a certain number of questions during the exam but not before.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Last-minute exam tips for CAT
About 10,000 students will be taking the CAT 2009 once again on Saturday and Sunday! If you are amongst these students, then following advice may be of help!
First of all, while it is natural to be unhappy about this unfortunate development, you should follow the dictum let bygones be bygones. Most of you would have taken many mock tests, some on paper and some that were computer-based. Take the re-test with this mindset that the cancelled CAT was the last mock CAT test taken by you. Since the objective of taking mock tests is to understand one's strengths and weaknesses and fine-tune the time distribution and sequencing of sections, the cancelled CAT would also help each of you to further understand dos and don'ts. Further, you will do well to keep on reminding yourself that your chances of selection have not gone down due to re-test and you can do better in this one!
Think positive! This is the lesson number one! So, what inferences can be drawn from the details known about the CAT test papers held in 20+ slots earlier? In each slot, the difficulty level of the paper was not the same. Chances are that you will get a paper with 20-20-20 distribution but if you get a different pattern, don't get devastated! Don't go with a pre-conceived notion about the difficulty level of any section or paper as a whole that creates any minimum number of attempts as a target for the re-test.
Keep an open mindQuite a few students got distracted by the noise/disturbance last time. Hopefully, your test should go through smoothly this time. Another issue that bothered a lot of students is that the paper wasn't that difficult provided you saw all the questions properly and did not get stuck on any questions.
See all questionsEnsure that you see all the questions properly and don't leave any questions unseen. A test is like a one-day match. If something went wrong last time, it may not happen again. Similarly, if something went well last time, it may not recur. Treat CAT re-test as another test where your performance does not depend upon what happened in the last test. It is another opportunity to score well hit a century!
Finally, for most of the students taking the re-test, wishing that it should have been a pencil-and-paper test is of no use. CAT is being held in a CBT format and you should believe that you are fully geared up to tackle it. The last lesson is: Believe in yourself till the last of the 135 minutes!
First of all, while it is natural to be unhappy about this unfortunate development, you should follow the dictum let bygones be bygones. Most of you would have taken many mock tests, some on paper and some that were computer-based. Take the re-test with this mindset that the cancelled CAT was the last mock CAT test taken by you. Since the objective of taking mock tests is to understand one's strengths and weaknesses and fine-tune the time distribution and sequencing of sections, the cancelled CAT would also help each of you to further understand dos and don'ts. Further, you will do well to keep on reminding yourself that your chances of selection have not gone down due to re-test and you can do better in this one!
Think positive! This is the lesson number one! So, what inferences can be drawn from the details known about the CAT test papers held in 20+ slots earlier? In each slot, the difficulty level of the paper was not the same. Chances are that you will get a paper with 20-20-20 distribution but if you get a different pattern, don't get devastated! Don't go with a pre-conceived notion about the difficulty level of any section or paper as a whole that creates any minimum number of attempts as a target for the re-test.
Keep an open mindQuite a few students got distracted by the noise/disturbance last time. Hopefully, your test should go through smoothly this time. Another issue that bothered a lot of students is that the paper wasn't that difficult provided you saw all the questions properly and did not get stuck on any questions.
See all questionsEnsure that you see all the questions properly and don't leave any questions unseen. A test is like a one-day match. If something went wrong last time, it may not happen again. Similarly, if something went well last time, it may not recur. Treat CAT re-test as another test where your performance does not depend upon what happened in the last test. It is another opportunity to score well hit a century!
Finally, for most of the students taking the re-test, wishing that it should have been a pencil-and-paper test is of no use. CAT is being held in a CBT format and you should believe that you are fully geared up to tackle it. The last lesson is: Believe in yourself till the last of the 135 minutes!
How to tackle the online CAT-2013
The most pressing question on the minds of the students is 'How do I tackle the Online CAT?' However, the most obvious thing that one notices in the question is the emphasis on the 'Online' aspect more than the one on 'CAT'. Well the answer to this question is to keep it simple and not to worry about the 'Online' format as much as the 'content' of the paper.
One can get familiar with the Online format through the "CAT 2010 Practice Test" on http://catiim.in/ and through online mock tests.
The key to doing well on CAT has always been 1) Sound preparation
2) Getting the Basics right
3) Plenty of practice on Sectional Tests
4) Taking a good number of Full Length Mock CATs (Online) simulating all possibilities
5) Self-belief
'Sound preparation' encompasses looking at questions from previous years' CATs and understanding the 'syllabus' of CAT. First, one should make a list of all topics/areas on which questions have been asked in Quantitative, Logic & Data Interpretation and the Verbal section.
Then, one should assess whether one is 'proficient', 'average' or 'needs improvement' in each of those areas. The areas that fall in the third category is what one should look at quickly addressing rather than hoping that questions from that area do not come in CAT2010!
The IIMs, through CAT, test the students on their understanding of basic concepts and this is where 'Getting the basics right' plays a vital role. Often students look for the toughest material to practice without realising that their understanding of concepts as simple as LCM & HCF is not as good as they think it is.
CAT has often trapped students with simple and elegant questions that probe into their understanding of the basics. A quick recap of all the chapters in Quantitative and the concepts involved in each of them would go a long way in rectifying this.
One key aspect of CAT has been its unpredictability in terms of the pattern, the question types, areas emphasised and the difficulty level. However, CAT 2010 has eased the unpredictability to an extent by mentioning the pattern beforehand (3 sections with a total of 60 questions).
Students should try to strengthen their performance in each section in terms of speed and accuracy by practicing on a good number of sectional tests. Students should also ensure that they get enough practice of all kinds of full length papers through a comprehensive Mock series program.
This ensures that one is exposed to relevant and plausible question types which increases one's capacity to deal with any surprise in CAT2010. However taking lots of mocks is not the only preparation strategy - analysing the mocks after the test is over and learning from ones mistakes is, in fact, a key step, which students often overlook.
Finally, the most important ingredient in tackling CAT 2010 successfully is self-belief - the conviction that the effort that one has put in over the past months will yield positive results.
Constant worrying about the end result only makes the task much more difficult to accomplish.
So keep your spirits high and elevate your level of preparation in the next one month leading upto CAT. Success will belong to those who can follow this advice religiously and keep up their belief quotient.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Where MBA Career Pay Totals $3 Million-Plus
Brand has real value in the business school world. If you go to a top ten business school, chances are you’ll outearn MBAs from lower-ranked schools when you graduate but also throughout your career.
That’s the conclusion from the latest study of career pay by Payscale, a data-crunching compensation firm. The numbers were published earlier this week on June 12 byBloomberg Businessweek which concluded that the short- and long-term value of the MBA degree closely correlates to rank.
Of the 10 schools with the highest career pay, eight are top-10 schools in BusinessWeek’s latest ranking, while all but five of the 30 schools with the highest career pay are among the top 30 schools. Only MBAs from eight schools–all ranked within the top ten on some if not all major rankings–earned more than $3 million in cash and bonus during their professional careers, according to the data.
Harvard MBAs make $3.6 million in salary & bonus over a career
Not surprisingly, Harvard Business School assumed the top spot in the ranking, with 20-year pay of $3,639,643, followed by the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School at $3,460,707 and Stanford Graduate School of Business at $3,432,013 (see table below).
These numbers, especially for the big brand schools, are highly conservative estimates. Payscale, for example, concluded that Harvard MBAs are making $136,000 five years after graduation. The latest number published by Harvard’s career management office show the median base salary alone last year was $120,000, with nearly seven of every ten graduates earning a median signing bonus of $20,000 and nearly one in five earning guaranteed year-end bonuses of $35,000.
The upshot: the median salary and bonus for Harvard MBAs in year one last year was close to $140,000, not including the year-end bonuses. That’s already $6,000 more than Payscale is reporting for Harvard MBAs five years after graduation.
The reason for the discrepancy has to do with the way Payscale calculates its estimates. The pay reports the firm uses are “for groups of people who graduated from the same school at various times, not for one group of people who reported their pay throughout their careers.” The estimates, moreover, do not include the value of stock or stock options or the value of tuition reimbursement, which can make up a big chunk of MBA pay in the short- and the long-term.
It’s also possible that the most highly compensation alums are less likely to report their income to Payscale which makes these estimates based on what it says is a database of 100,000 MBA graduates.
Career choice and geography are big factors in career pay
Obviously, career choice and geography also weigh heavily in these estimates. A Harvard MBA who gained a job in hedge funds last year earned median base salary of $150,000 to start, with 23% of them reporting other guaranteed compensation of $150,000 in year one. On the other hand, Harvard MBAs who took jobs with the government or with a non-profit organization last year earned median base salary of $90,000, with no upside bonus.
Graduates of the 10 programs with the highest earnings took home nearly $3.2 million apiece, or $159,122 a year, an increase of 3.6% from a year earlier. The remaining 47 schools averaged $2.3 million, or $114,724 a year, virtually no change from last year.
“The effects of the Great Recession on the labor market for MBAs can still be felt today, a full three years after the official end of the recession,” Katie Bardaro, analytics manager at PayScale, told BusinessWeek. “The only MBAs who appear to be escaping these stagnant wages are graduates from top-ranked programs.”
Schools with the lowest starting salaries typically had the biggest increases. Payscale said MBAs from the University of Georgia’s Terry College of Business showed the biggest gain—a whopping 174%, to $139,000 at the 20-year mark. MIT’s Sloan School MBAs had the smallest, at 4%, to $169,000.
Why MIT had the smallest increase: a data problem
“The MIT numbers highlight one of the study’s inherent limitations,” BusinessWeek acknowledged. “Pay data for smaller schools such as MIT may be based on fewer than 50 reports and may not accurately reflect pay for the entire class.”
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
How to Choose Colors to Help Establish Your Business Identity Read more: How to Choose Colors to Help Establish Your Business Identity | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2279317_choose-colors-help-establish-business.html#ixzz1uRKM2kux
Instructions
1Identify the target market(s) of your business. Be as specific as possible, identifying whether your "typical" customer will be male or female; what age group they fall within; their likely education and type of career; their potential income; whether or not they are married and/or have children; and anything else that you can possibly spell out. The more information that you have about "who" your customer is, the easier it will be to develop a business identity that will appeal to that customer.- 2Determine the message, in terms of thoughts and feelings, that you want your customer to get about your business. For example, do you want them to view your business in terms of creativity or reliability, as steadfast or professional, or something else altogether. It is only possible to transmit those thoughts and feelings through color once you have narrowed them down and matched them against the psychological factors that color imbues.
- 3Decide if you are going to use a logo or graphic to help build your business identity. Certain types of designs will more easily lend themselves to certain colors. Others may be flexible no matter what color you choose. Nonetheless, it is important to keep the big picture in mind as well as each small aspect of it.
- 4Determine the types of marketing materials and advertising promotions that you are likely to use for your business. For example, online businesses rely heavy on website design where multi-color graphics and designs are common. Regular businesses may rely more heavily on old standards like business cards, brochures or pamphlets, flyers and billboards. While a new business won't likely use a full arsenal of marketing or advertising materials going in, it is important to understand the direction that a marketing plan is likely to take and the role that color might have in the overall marketing package. Don't forget items like packaging, uniforms, signage and other advertising items. If they are to be used in your business, then you must take them into consideration.
- 5Start matching the thoughts and feelings that you want to elicit within your customers to the colors that have been shown psychologically capable of achieving such response. There are several standard colors that businesses often opt to use. These are chosen for their unique psychological effects. Red is one of the most powerful colors of the spectrum. It demands immediate attention, elicits feelings of strength and boldness, and stimulates a number of actions (like buying). It also stimulates the appetite, which is why so many restaurants incorporate red into their business identity.Yellow also calls for immediate attention. It also has the unusual effect of spurring one to concentrate.Pinks like mauve trigger a chemical reaction in the brain that calms people, which is why so many law offices, doctor's and dentist offices incorporate that color in their in-office color scheme.Blue is the most popular color of a large majority of people. It represents many things that businesses want, like dependability, sincerity and loyalty. It also stimulates productivity.Green says high quality and appeals to the majority of customers when it is used alone (without being mixed with another color except black). The color is also relaxing and refreshing, which is why a lot of businesses choose green for their waiting area (think of TV's green room).Orange increases energy and warm feelings. It also has the unusual effect of gaining almost instant attention as well as sticking in the human memory long-term.Purple is not usually the best color for traditional businesses but works well for new age, religious, and other spiritual type endeavors because it is associated with those things. However, purple can be useful in businesses that want to denote an air of luxury and sophistication such as high class hotels or spas.Brown spurs confidence and reassures the customer that the business can be trusted.Gray stands for conservative and traditional thinking, which is why a large number of businesses like law offices, Chambers of Commerce, and other business organizations choose to use it.
- 6Cross-check the positive psychological effects of color against the negative effects before choosing it to help establish your business identity.Red, if used in excess, can be too overpowering and actually cause customers to stay away. It also stimulates the body by making the heart beat faster, the blood pressure go up and the pulse race. Those things would not be good for businesses that are health-related.Yellow, in some people, relates to "temporary" (think taxi cabs). Mixed with black, yellow actually causes a physical draw back. It spells "danger" (think road signs). It isn't the best color for packaging either because it stimulates of feelings of inferiority.Pink, to men in particular, actually elicits energy loss, which is why gyms and health clubs don't often use the color.Blue, used in the wrong shade, can depress the appetite, which is why few restaurants use the color. Too much of the color can also cause depression and unhappiness because it is so cold and aloof.Green also implies wealth; not something that certain types of businesses may want their customers to feel about them. Who wants to think that the business is robbing from the poor?Orange clashes with a lot of other colors and must, therefore, stand alone. Retailers like choosing orange for packaging because it psychology tricks customers into thinking that their product is less expensive than it really is (think about the number of expensive detergents that use orange in packaging).Purple, because it is often linked with royalty or nobility, can have an effective on the consumer that the business is snobbish, arogant or aloof.Brown, used too lightly, can actually spur sadness.Gray, used in the wrong way, can actually decrease productivity or buying power. Women don't associate well with the color; therefore, businesses appealing to the female customer probably don't want to use gray.
- 7Achieve a good balance of the color your choose in order to get the positive responses that you want without achieving any of the negative ones. For example, let's say that you decide that you want to use red because it elicits psychological feelings of strength and stimulates customer buying actions. Red, used too heavy-handed can be too over-powering and undo the very thoughts and feelings that you are trying to elicit.
- 8Determine the "shade" of the color that you will use. For example, still using red, if the majority of your business customers are male, it is important to know that men respond better to yellow-based shades of red. Therefore, using a raspberry red might not have the effect that you ultimately want on your target audience.
- 9Make certain that the mix won't undo the effects that you are trying to achieve if you choose to mix multiple colors (other than black). For example, choosing to mix red and yellow together in a business identity could negate the overall effects of both colors, depending upon how the colors are used.
- 10Determine where in your overall business identity the color will be used. In most instances, you will want to use color the same way you use a logo or font style to promote an overall identity. However, in some instances, you may opt to develop some of your marketing and advertising materials in standard black and white, using color selectively for only certain pieces of your marketing package that you want to have the most impact.
- 11Test the color choice in limited pieces of marketing materials to see if it helps your business achieve the identity that you want.
Read more: How to Choose Colors to Help Establish Your Business Identity | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2279317_choose-colors-help-establish-business.html#ixzz1uRLXivLp
Friday, May 4, 2012
How to Lose a Job in 10 Days
So you are discontent, dysfunctional, discomfited and dis-eased with your job, and by hook or by crook you want to get terminated from employment. You've tried to be as incompetent an employee as possible, and yet you've not fallen to prey to the job cuts and the economic recession, that people keep talking about (you're an economist yourself, but don't know what recession is, that's how bad an employee you are but they're still not firing you!) So what do you do? Getting terminated is not very difficult. When in a soup, go for a coup, is what I say! Take an extreme step. Don't wait for someone to slip the pink slip to you. Don't wait for that entire long-drawn termination process. An easy way to get the office to rid themselves of you, is to become the number one villain of the office. You don't have to be very blatant in your villainy - you don't have to get your face tattooed or scarred, nor do you have to empty a bottle of eye-liner onto your eyelid to get the deathly Gothic look. You can always be subtle because 'tis the age of subtlety. Yes! You can dress up in pristine branded clothes, resembling the hero, when actually you are the villain. You don't need to have a loud and guttural evil laugh, a snigger to the side will suffice. So getting down to business, how do you go about becoming the villain in the office, thus, successfully ensuring losing your job? There are so many ways for losing a job that you will be spoichoice. Let me lead you into temptation.. .
The Yawnfather
Sleep during meetings, irrespective of whether they are boring or not. In fact, irrespective of whether the director is excitedly talking about his ambitious project to foreign clients, while speaking exceptionally bad Spanish at the top of his voice. In fact, irrespective of the presentation having such bright slides that it would make Gwen Stefani's makeup seem dull; still fake sleeping (you get the point). And now is the time to use that loud, obviously fake and extremely distracting yawn you have been practicing since you were six years old. It's sure to be a head turner and a job burner. Simple, soporific and a terrific way to get terminated from job.
Lord of the Trings
Cell phones have truly become more of a nuisance than anything else. Hence, why not take advantage of this and use this nuisance to become a nuisance yourself? Set your cell phone to the loudest and most annoying ring-tone ever. Don't stick to the staple ring-tone's, make a style statement. If you're a guy, you can keep a song that has a string of abuses (any Eminem song basically) or just to irritate people further, you can keep 'I'm a Barbie girl' and claim you have to keep it because you lost a bet, or you can use the chorus of 'Mr. Lonely', nothing irritates people more than that shrill high-pitched voice. Oh and of course, ensure that your cell phone rings. Ask a friend to give you a missed call every half an hour. That's what friends are for anyway, aren't they!
Distress the Damsel in Distress
In every office, there is always the perennial damsel in distress, the woman who does not know how to even walk a step without beckoning for help, at which all the males in the office would leave a dying relatives bedside to spontaneously appear. Yes, while most men will be at her beck and call (hoping half-heartedly for a peck and call), you need to willfully ignore her. Yes, this is a case where ignorance will be bliss. She will get disgruntled with your 'discourteous' behavior and will use her popularity and get you fired. There you go! This story will become the office version of Beauty and the Beast indeed. (Warning: There might be some people who will go about masquerading with placards claiming you were wrongfully terminated from job or that you were terminated for no cause that was worthwhile. Take adequate measures to handle these people beforehand).
Who Let the Dogs Out?
When it comes to animals, at one end of the spectrum are hardcore non-vegetarians, whose digestive tract can only digest meat, while at the other end are PETA activists. In between these two extremes, are people who are dead scared or dead allergic of animals. So if you have a colleague who is an asthmatic, then all you have to do is leave a cat in her office. Also if you know of a colleague who cakes her face with so much make-up that her face looks double its original size, then you can just drop in a cute dog who can't do without licking people's face. And voila! Your new-found hobby of being the zoo-lander will land you with a pink slip before you can say "Holy cow!"
The Whole Nine Guards
There is no better way than by capitalizing on your talent for procrastination. You always keep snoozing your alarm, thus ending up coming late to office. The only difference is that now, you will purposely come late to office, and will not ask your horn-rimmed bespectacled best buddy to swipe your card for you while all the security guards aren't looking. Now, you will actually take credit for coming late. Stroll into the office at your own leisurely time like you're the king of the jungle. If anyone asks you why you're so late, you can suddenly turn into a nature-freak and say things like "I was waiting to see the leaves turn yellow" or "I was waiting to see whether after rising from the east, does the sun stay there or not?" or you can even say "I was willing to test my neighbor's patience level by seeing how long it takes for him to blow his top when I'm staring at him through my window." You can actually do these things if you want. And before you know it, you'll be walking out of the office with the termination letter in your hand and a smile on your face.
Become the Gossip Girl
Use the office cooler for reasons besides thirst. You know that if the office cooler had ears, he would have to go that extra mile for asking for forgiveness from God for having sinned by hearing all the gossip that he has no option but to hear. And irrespective of your gender, you've been a part of that gossip group all through. The only difference will be that this time when people ask you if it was you, you only have to truthfully admit it, unlike vehemently denying it the way you always did. You can say things like "Oh you know, Mel is on a diet! And you know why she's going on a diet? 'Cuz Sam told her she was too fat for him!" This will obviously enrage women who are members of WTF (Women True to Feminism), and they will go stomping off to eat Sam alive. Of course, after the furor is settled, and you have been identified as the cause for the whole episode, you will be fired under clause no. 420 which states 'Fired for causing discontent and discord in the harmonious and peace-loving office environment', or some untrue clause like that. Oh, but make sure that while you are leaving office with your packed brown boxes, leave Sam a sorry note, or at least your coffee mug (provided it is unstained and uncracked) or better still, a part of your remaining pay slip, if you get any at all that is.
Dumb and Dumber
Ever wondered what it must be like to be Archie for a day? Sans the noisy jalopy (do use one if you have one!) you can try out all the antics that he uses to bug the life out of Mr. Lodge. Drop everything in sight, stumble on everyone in sight and if you have a cup of hot coffee in your hand, the more the merrier! Especially, use this trick if you know that the office environment is such that job stress is at its peak. If you see a colleague in a white or cream-colored shirt, let the loaded coffee mug 'accidentally' slip out of your hand. Mix up your colleague's extremely important documents just before his big presentation. Let the first slide of the presentation be 'I am done. Thank-you for your time and money, suckers!' Even if all the above tips fail, this one surely won't.
Let me add an obviousdisblamer disclaimer. This article is purely for entertainment purposes (evil laugh). The way to quit a job in real life is by curtly courteously going into the required person's office cabin and slammingputting down your papers.
The YawnfatherSleep during meetings, irrespective of whether they are boring or not. In fact, irrespective of whether the director is excitedly talking about his ambitious project to foreign clients, while speaking exceptionally bad Spanish at the top of his voice. In fact, irrespective of the presentation having such bright slides that it would make Gwen Stefani's makeup seem dull; still fake sleeping (you get the point). And now is the time to use that loud, obviously fake and extremely distracting yawn you have been practicing since you were six years old. It's sure to be a head turner and a job burner. Simple, soporific and a terrific way to get terminated from job.
Lord of the Trings
Cell phones have truly become more of a nuisance than anything else. Hence, why not take advantage of this and use this nuisance to become a nuisance yourself? Set your cell phone to the loudest and most annoying ring-tone ever. Don't stick to the staple ring-tone's, make a style statement. If you're a guy, you can keep a song that has a string of abuses (any Eminem song basically) or just to irritate people further, you can keep 'I'm a Barbie girl' and claim you have to keep it because you lost a bet, or you can use the chorus of 'Mr. Lonely', nothing irritates people more than that shrill high-pitched voice. Oh and of course, ensure that your cell phone rings. Ask a friend to give you a missed call every half an hour. That's what friends are for anyway, aren't they!
Distress the Damsel in Distress
In every office, there is always the perennial damsel in distress, the woman who does not know how to even walk a step without beckoning for help, at which all the males in the office would leave a dying relatives bedside to spontaneously appear. Yes, while most men will be at her beck and call (hoping half-heartedly for a peck and call), you need to willfully ignore her. Yes, this is a case where ignorance will be bliss. She will get disgruntled with your 'discourteous' behavior and will use her popularity and get you fired. There you go! This story will become the office version of Beauty and the Beast indeed. (Warning: There might be some people who will go about masquerading with placards claiming you were wrongfully terminated from job or that you were terminated for no cause that was worthwhile. Take adequate measures to handle these people beforehand).
Who Let the Dogs Out?
When it comes to animals, at one end of the spectrum are hardcore non-vegetarians, whose digestive tract can only digest meat, while at the other end are PETA activists. In between these two extremes, are people who are dead scared or dead allergic of animals. So if you have a colleague who is an asthmatic, then all you have to do is leave a cat in her office. Also if you know of a colleague who cakes her face with so much make-up that her face looks double its original size, then you can just drop in a cute dog who can't do without licking people's face. And voila! Your new-found hobby of being the zoo-lander will land you with a pink slip before you can say "Holy cow!"
The Whole Nine Guards
There is no better way than by capitalizing on your talent for procrastination. You always keep snoozing your alarm, thus ending up coming late to office. The only difference is that now, you will purposely come late to office, and will not ask your horn-rimmed bespectacled best buddy to swipe your card for you while all the security guards aren't looking. Now, you will actually take credit for coming late. Stroll into the office at your own leisurely time like you're the king of the jungle. If anyone asks you why you're so late, you can suddenly turn into a nature-freak and say things like "I was waiting to see the leaves turn yellow" or "I was waiting to see whether after rising from the east, does the sun stay there or not?" or you can even say "I was willing to test my neighbor's patience level by seeing how long it takes for him to blow his top when I'm staring at him through my window." You can actually do these things if you want. And before you know it, you'll be walking out of the office with the termination letter in your hand and a smile on your face.
Become the Gossip Girl
Use the office cooler for reasons besides thirst. You know that if the office cooler had ears, he would have to go that extra mile for asking for forgiveness from God for having sinned by hearing all the gossip that he has no option but to hear. And irrespective of your gender, you've been a part of that gossip group all through. The only difference will be that this time when people ask you if it was you, you only have to truthfully admit it, unlike vehemently denying it the way you always did. You can say things like "Oh you know, Mel is on a diet! And you know why she's going on a diet? 'Cuz Sam told her she was too fat for him!" This will obviously enrage women who are members of WTF (Women True to Feminism), and they will go stomping off to eat Sam alive. Of course, after the furor is settled, and you have been identified as the cause for the whole episode, you will be fired under clause no. 420 which states 'Fired for causing discontent and discord in the harmonious and peace-loving office environment', or some untrue clause like that. Oh, but make sure that while you are leaving office with your packed brown boxes, leave Sam a sorry note, or at least your coffee mug (provided it is unstained and uncracked) or better still, a part of your remaining pay slip, if you get any at all that is.
Dumb and Dumber
Ever wondered what it must be like to be Archie for a day? Sans the noisy jalopy (do use one if you have one!) you can try out all the antics that he uses to bug the life out of Mr. Lodge. Drop everything in sight, stumble on everyone in sight and if you have a cup of hot coffee in your hand, the more the merrier! Especially, use this trick if you know that the office environment is such that job stress is at its peak. If you see a colleague in a white or cream-colored shirt, let the loaded coffee mug 'accidentally' slip out of your hand. Mix up your colleague's extremely important documents just before his big presentation. Let the first slide of the presentation be 'I am done. Thank-you for your time and money, suckers!' Even if all the above tips fail, this one surely won't.
Let me add an obvious
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